Here’s another elementary school assignment I typed up. In this one, I had to try to cram in examples of descriptive language and identify them for the teacher. Blah. I left my old notes in. I’m pretty sure from the language used that I didn’t take the assignment too seriously—and after reading the teacher’s notes, it looks like I didn’t follow the directions too closely, either.
I left in any grammar and spelling mistakes I may have made. I’m pretty sure I had trouble keeping the tense consistent at this time. It’s all over the place!
Speaking of time, I noticed I used some descriptive language for “time” in the assignment. I described it as “merciless” and “unyielding,” two ideas that crop up again and again in my old poetry and fiction. Huh. It’s interesting to look back at these things. Maybe I’ll post some of my emo high school ramblings in the future.
Without further ado:
November 9, 1992
It was a hot day in June. The sun glistened in the desert sand stretching out beyond the school to the far off mountains.
The gym was as empty (simile) as a student’s head when a teacher announces a pop quiz. Usually it was filled with noisy kids playing basketball, bumping a volleyball, and cheering noisily with every winning point.
Suddenly, the large room was filled with the clanging of a ringing bell. It was the signal to begin another exercise period.
Thirty-three boys dashed happily into the steel gray locker room. All kinds of conversation filled the air as locker doors banged open and shut. Books and clothes were jammed into small spaces and piles.
In groups of twos or fours the temporary athletes bounded into the gym.
Their coach passed four basketballs to the intramural team co-captains. Instantly the two teams began their warm-up rituals preceding a practice game.
Now the game began at the blast of a shrill referee’s whistle.
Competitive sports bought out a sense of freedom from the sedentary classroom.
Teammates shouted encouragement to each other.
The boys were exhilarated with the thrill of sports (simile) like a small boy opening a new present.
Their coach/referee/teacher was refreshed remembering his playing days years before.
An inanimate merciless robot moves it’s hands. The clock signals the period is finished. A sad coach again blows his frustration with unyielding time through the steel whistle.
Two teams of athletes must return back to students. The boys drag into the indifferent locker room, peel off their sweat-laden clothes, and change into their school uniforms.
The fun is over. Time was (metaphor) an eagle flying swiftly through the air.
Back to the classrooms, back to the books, back to the mental exercises and classroom skills.
The gym stood silent again, as if in respect to the effort expended there.
Photos on the hall wall outside were (metaphor) memories saluting the players of the past and the players of today.
Today flew by quickly.
Teacher’s comments: Very nice writing. You were to underline sensory words. 90